The night before kindergarten

In our house tonight it is the night before our middle one starts kindergarten.
Having done this once before I feel even less prepared than before (Caiden this year slipped into year two).
I am aware of all the practical side of things she is ready, she has been prepared and transitioned for this, she is going into the right class environment with the right supports lined up, we have been preparing for this very moment, but right now in my mind this is the tiny pink bundle we brought home from the hospital. This is my baby girl who only last week I nursed post surgery in my arms. This baby girl we have cried with laughed with and honestly been overcome with joy and fear for and by her. Lilliana has shaken us as parents and our family, she brings with her a certain amount of sunshine that we had never thought possible, she makes us laugh with her phrases and sayings regularly.
My baby girl is about to go to school and wave her infancy goodbye for good. This little girl who in my mind has just mastered walking yet in reality she still has not mastered it she has mastered skipping and dance walking but straight walking not really her style!

Lilliana is excited for school and her next adventure, and I am honestly pleased it will make walking away with teary eyes that much easier, but the idea of her being with another person for so much or her waking day, sharing my little girl with another person, entrusting the person with her is hard. Ensuring that the Lilly bouncy happy giggly girl I send is the one I get home, I worry about others influences on her confidences, and her educationally, it's such a step of trust to leave her.
In our household  for the last five year we have already shared her with preschool and with therapists and other playgroup friends, and on occasions family as well, but most of her hours have been in settings we have largely had control over and known all of the teachers
and professionals. Lilly also doesn't really spend weekends away or anything like that, last year she 
had two sleep overs with both her brothers for a night with her aunt, and again we know that she is 
there for joy (and to save our sanity, to support us as parents in this difficult journey) this aunt just 
listens laughs and enjoys or rides the crazy! She has yet to attempt to tame it!  

Waving off my little girl tomorrow is just the first of many big steps that now loom in front of us, it is another set of firsts that to think about your baby doing. Is daunting, to think of a child with ASD doing it, it can be that moment that fear paralyses you. For now I am attempting to not look to far just look at tomorrow this is a big enough day for all of us, this is the beginning of a long period of schooling. 
There is so much fear for me sending another little one off to school, the fear of bullies, the fears of her not comprehending what is happening, her limited skills with communicating emotions and feelings, spending more time trying to unlock another child or calm my child after such huge days/weeks, the fear that surrounds sending a child with ASD to school, these fears stem from past experiences with sending Caiden to school, and yes these are different children but sadly there are a few similarities. 
Tomorrow with fear and joy in my heart I will hug my baby as she walks into her class I will remember with love bringing her home, holding her hand while she learnt to walk, feeding her and be secure in the knowledge she will be where she needs to be, and my heart will always remember the privilege it is to hold her hand and raise this beautiful girl xxx 

Back blogging!

Wow it has been awhile since I got posting here.
To bring things up to date or there abouts!
Life is still happening, all around us, with us and to us.
Life has not stopped, paused or give us time to catch up!
The last few moths have passed in a flurry of school prep, coming to terms and grasping the youngest diagnosis, and getting more things underway for him, Christmas, work, uni applications, transitions, surgery and more!

My big guy Caiden wow he is a star, last year for term four of his school term he was transitioned to another school as he had a fantastic year, a settled year of growth, development and maturity. It was something as a parent watching we always wished for but to watch it happen was something amazing, something as I type gives me goose bumps thinking about. This guy has has a year of solid progress, a year we could see other years of dedication love and our struggles shine on through.
He is now in a mainstream school, still in our safety net of an autism unit, with 6 kids 1 teacher 1 aide. But he has left a very protective, sheltered environment into a very big mainstream school, it is exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, but this guy is just doing great things. He pretty much did a years schooling academic work in about a term! And happily!

Small things have been exciting, access to a school library, school canteen, also having him at a school closer to home.
Caiden also started attending a before and after school program occasionally, and the kid floored me by being the most settled, and kept trying to socialize with his peers, social seeking appropriate!
He is just is a good place right now, our speech, OT, early intervention, social skilling it's starting to pay off in a big way!

Lilliana, well this little one is now off to school very soon days in fact now. What a ride getting a placement has been, one we had anticipated, but difficult all the same. We had our hearts set on one school which we were knocked back from, another setting that we were knocked back from and then out of the blue we got an offer from dept of Ed, a new class is opening at a local public school turns out two new autism units, and jnr units k-2. Several meetings phone calls and a transition period we have a school a class, and wait for it there is another girl in the class!
As time pushed towards Christmas, we have seen some big milestones past, better social engagements, better emotional recognition, better emotional regulation, don't think for a minute the whirlwind is all roses and smiles, but this little whirlwind is finding life some days a little simpler, which in turn is letting us step back and be guided by her.

Elijah, well as a parent of him I have had to come to terms with his diagnosis more recently, learning more about this giant spectrum, learning more about how we can assist him and what things will help him long term and us short term.
Elijah last year finally started with his own psychologist ( getting one for him was a bigger deal than we had ever thought possible!) this has been an ....interesting time.....really watch this space!
We had to call it a day with one of his mainstream preschool settings and for this year are just focusing on the better environment for him, unfortunately for us while it is a better fit, the hours don't help a parent be able to work very simply, especially having two other kids in two different schools.
It's things like right settings that are important the centre he has been attending since he was old enough to attend preschool have not only the staff but the patience and the ability to one on one him, to implement behavioral plans and educational plans hand in hand, this is a rare thing in preschool settings.
Home life has been busy!