Last night as I check on the kids before I went to be I had a moment of gushing, looking at the sweet sleeping forms of my children, that moment I realise how wonderful it is to simply be in their presence.
I carefully took Lilly’s cowgirl hat and bracelets off her (which of course promptly woke her) to soothe her with a hug. She is a child that clings like a koala, which I have always loved, the way she holds on tight for comfort, the way she is comforted by being held tightly.
To the room of Elijah, with him laying across his bed easily moved in his deep sleep, surrounded by lots of toys, mainly stuffed dogs?!
To Caiden’s room where he looked to be in the same position he was left in. Sleeping so calmly, so sweet and peaceful.
To look at these children asleep it’s hard to tell what the daylight holds for them. It’s hard to think anything but loving thoughts to see them sleeping.
At present we are hopeful of Lilliana getting into a school we currently feel is right for her, our first big step after lodging the paperwork is done we have secure an interview!! Here starts the hope. We are particularly keen on this school as I feel it has potential to be THE school I could send all three of my children too. (How far can I fall from this dream!)
To send all of my children to school together is something I started to think may never occur, then even with all kids having an actual or provisional diagnosis of autism didn’t mean that they would all be able to attend school together. Mainly due to the children’s varying needs and the varying delay. Mixed in of course with the varying issues in securing placement and support for children within schools. Sadly with children with a diagnosis they often do not get placement at the local school, even if it is one that has the required support levels. (Dept of Education really is another rant!)
Right now I have hope! I have a moment of comfort that the school wise there may be some place just right for Lilliana, with the thought that it may end up being great for all three children. Part of me is reluctant to get excited, another part of me has already thought about buying uniforms for all of the children. The moment we had the interview booked I felt lighter, I felt so positive about school, school for my Lilly.
Schooling represents so many hurdles, it’s not just the academic side, it’s the social and emotional. Ensuring they have the correct “school fit” can set them up to view school as a positive, it is somewhere the want to be rather than it being somewhere they have to go to. The fear that they will be bullied for being so different, the fear that they will not fit in. I like most other parents want my kids to do well in school but, for us doing well means something else. I want Lilliana to be comfortable in the school, I want Lillian to be accepted when she gives them the full Lilly treatment. I want her to just be happy Lilliana, not the subdued child she becomes when she is not coping. I really have a huge wish list for school and academic at this stage is really far down my wish list, I have that hippy thing that it will come when she is ready. I want a school that can understand this.
Then the practical application for three children this close in age to be at the same school simply makes sense for transporting, social activities, and support. Also for them for comfort, it is a comfort to have someone so familiar to you in the playground. I guess also that image that they protect one another is also strong.
Part of this inspiration is in Lilliana, the progress she has made in the last few months amazes me, it inspired hope that she will cope at school (we still have her home for 6 months). She is for the most part more settled, she is better than before at regulating her mood, she is getting better for verbalising some emotions. The big thing is as a parent we have plans, we can see areas of need and we are working towards it. She by no stretch of the imagination is perfect, nor is life simple, but for all the work we are doing as is all of her "workers" there is improvement!
For now I am hopeful, I am hopeful for schooling....(its my current mantra)
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